the last month i have been seeing my self slipping so badly down hill. I had gotten to the point that i was happy with life, my depression was pretty much gone, my anxiety was well on its way to being manageable, nothing overly bothered me to the point where i was falling apart anymore. Ana was still having a go at me, but i had lost a bit of weight, i was healthier and happier.
Then it all went wrong :’(
my depression is back and beating me up like it hasn’t in a long time. its being triggered to be even worse by Ana. some way, some fucked up way i have managed to gain, and not just gain to my normal manageable healthy weight place. I’m back at my fat weight, the weight i haven’t been at in 4 years. on to of that my anxiety is through the roof, i can’t event perform normal tasks with out getting over whelmed. i went to look at cook books for my mum the other day and had a breakdown in the shop cause they don’t keep them in the same place amy more.
i know that if i loose the weight a bit i can get the others under control, but i can’t get the weight to move. I’m losing control of my mind big time, i have less control of it that at the time i last attempted suicide.
I genuinely don’t know how much longer i can keep my head above the water for :’(